Notes from the garrett

Back to life

2007-01-16T04:45:25Z

So I finished my application, in time for the January 15th deadline. And then what? One of the many people I emailed for help writes back. Oh, hi Nina. Your REAL deadline isn't for a few weeks. Ha ha.
So typically British. I love it... in a hate-filled sort of way.
So I dragged my head up from being in on-line paperwork and... hi life! The world exists again, and now I can spend more time doing nothing until I go back to school. This rocks.

Oh UCAS

2007-01-14T18:35:24Z

I've spent four nights in a row staying up late, yelling, swearing, pulling out my hair, waking up in cold sweat and drinking excessive amounts of caffienated beverages. The reason? UCAS, the universal application system for universities in the UK. Remember all those online applications for college? Remember those checkboxes that asked random-ass questions about something you didn't understand, but the system would not allow you to leave them blank? UCAS is like one giant arbitrary checkbox. I don't know how it works. My professor from Britain doesn't know how it works. The people who work for it don't know how it works. But one of the deadlines, the many confusing and all-important deadlines, is Monday the 15th. That's Monday the 15th UK time, so really, the deadline is some number of hours earlier.
I have been working for days on my personal statement, and I've got fabulous references. However, getting these things on the system is like pulling teeth from the mouth of a rabid alligator that has been cross-bred with a computer. I think, actually, UCAS might have been put together by the same deranged midgets who run U.S. elections.
Something must be done!

Um... it's been a while

2007-01-11T07:00:56Z

Dear LJ,
You might not remember me, but I remember you. Yes, I still exist, though it has been positively for ever since I have done a post. Therefore I have decided to announce my return to the world of internet updates. Here's what you missed (reverse chronological order).
-I am living now with the family Robinson in Needham
-I am now an honest Theatre major (psychology and I are over)
-I lived for 5 months with a womand named Mona
-I worked at Starbucks for several months and then quit
-I transferred from UMass Amherst to UMass Boston last year.
Yeah.... that about does it for now i think. Expect major changes here.
Peace

another block of wood

2004-09-30T00:40:13Z

My LiveJournal Trick-or-Treat Haul
forestdragon11 goes trick-or-treating, dressed up as The thing under the bed.
dasushfish tricks you! You get a used tissue.
harmonylover tricks you! You get a wet rag.
kalelian tricks you! You get a dead frog.
searover gives you 9 yellow raspberry-flavoured gummy worms.
shiningman tricks you! You get a block of wood.
sjine gives you 2 light blue lime-flavoured gummy fruits.
taprooted tricks you! You get a wad of paper.
theroyalbrat gives you 8 light blue licorice-flavoured gummies.
forestdragon11 ends up with 19 pieces of candy, a used tissue, a wet rag, a dead frog, a block of wood, and a wad of paper.
Go trick-or-treating! Username:
Another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern.

...

2004-08-12T01:29:41Z

A friend I had in 7th grade overdosed... can't believe it. Memorial service on saturday...

Piss off. I'm lonely.

2004-08-10T18:47:00Z

Words that were never written,
Imagined along with a world
That fills the nest-room at night with almost reality
A deep void growing just below the belly,
Understand how many things are yet left to go.
Someone tell my why we have cursed ourselves
With living so very long.

eh

2004-05-08T00:34:52Z

Ok, fine, i feel out of the loop. i also feel conformist. but what the hell:
if you have anything to say to me, say so now, or hold your breath. i mean, hold your peace. close enough.
go for it. i wont hold grudges.

yay!

2004-05-08T00:29:38Z

my computer is alive, i think.
yay internet explorer!
yay no more evil virus!
yay no more crashing!
yay evil blue screen of death!

Nuns...

2004-05-08T00:18:40Z

Your Homocidal Rampage! by crash_and_burn

Your name:

Weapon of Choice:

Chain gun

Your Favorite Target:

Nuns

Your Kill Count:

323,996,416

Your Battle Cry:

"Who let the dogs out?"

Years You Spend in Jail:

How Much Money In Damages You Cause:

$91,022,496,751,637

Your Homocidal Insanity Level:: 47%

Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

LIKE, OMG!

2004-04-06T01:33:32Z

Today was really fun.
I feel unusual because my antidepressants are making me hairy.

I'm so hardcore. Me and Buzz went to the mall today, and I stole a whole heap of stuff. I got a Good Charlotte CD, a couple of DVDs and some new boots. Buzz got caught, but he fought his way out, and then we stole some lady's car and smashed it into a phone booth.

Last night I had to masturbate twenty times. I'm so horny. Click here to see my website.

I want to tell the world that I'm gay.

I am sharpening my knives before I go to work today, because I'm going to cut out Robert's heart and feed it to him for losing my mail.

Today, I got a digital camera! Yes! Now I can take photos of random strangers' cleavage and post it on the internet!

I went to the doctor yesterday, and he said I have bipolar disorder, and a healthy imagination.

I have a notebook fettish. I'm starting a club! Wanna join?

That's enough for now. But I'll leave you with this thought - sharing your life with strangers on the internet is the cheapest form of therapy available. Leave a comment and tell me I'm beautiful.

Created with the Gregor's Semi-Automatic LiveJournal Updater™. Update your journal today!

Today felt like friday

2004-03-18T20:51:13Z

"Walking through melting snow under the sun, I thought to myself: 'Winter is an old and crooked god, who kills and freezes everything he sees; and every year,the goddess Summer comes to him and asks him to give her the land for her grass and flowers. And they battle and their battle is spring. Then Summmer defeats him and lives alone and happy for many days, until the old god returns and they battle out autumn and he takes over once again.'
Then I thought to myself: 'If my lover were to come by the same story, he would write Winter to be a woman, and Summer to be a warm and powerful man.' so I rethought my story, and decided that Winter and Summer must be husband and wife, and always together. When their passion is its hottest and they love and know their love, it is summer. But when one of them starts getting cold, summer dies and turns to autumn, and one cries out: 'You are cold to me!' and the other whispers: 'You are colder to me!' and they turn each other away and weep cold crystals in the early winter dark. Until one turns back and sees what has been done, and warms the other, melts the snow and makes it spring again.
And so I knelt in the snow, dreaming, thinking: 'My love, why must I always be your Winter, and you always be my Spring?'"

Revelation

2004-03-18T02:17:57Z

Once everything to give has been given, what is left but the enjoyment of it?

HA

2004-03-13T04:12:30Z

I do exist!

I'm an Atheist!

Which Enemy of the Christian Church Are You?

Take More of Robert & Tim's Quizzes
Watch Robert & Tim's Cartoons

psychological testing

2004-03-08T04:49:51Z

blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah sex blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

if you caught the hidden message, then you are a teenager.

-a test brought to you by the needham phsychiatric services of my boss

ah, sibling squabbles

2004-03-03T00:49:18Z

Ah, the siblings are yelling at each other, and I'm not involved. I laugh as Annie gets overpowered by Zach. It's fun! She's trying to intimidate him. Someone should tell her that she shouldn mess with something that is three times her height and weight and can drag her up the stairs while her head goes bonk bonk bonk on every step. Ahhhh, the happy images! Zach is happy and it is March.

And Zach, you said to mark your words about March, so I am marking them. Right here with a big sharpie: MARCH

And here is a survey because I am bored and should be doing homework

The General and the Physical

1. Name? Anin Cain Alison Wonderland Cobblepot Ambassador to the Fruit Faeries and Distinguished Harasser of FBI midgits. But you can call me Nina.

2. Birthdate? 11.11.86

3. Age? 17

4. Number and names of siblings? 1 (Zach)

5. Occupation (or unemployed, or student)? high school junior, personal secretary for a shrink

6. Sex? I just got some thank you. rain check?

7. Race/lineage? Russian

8. Skin color? freckled

9. Hair color? brown

10. Eye color? brown

11. Hairstyle? split ends

12. Weight? 118 last time I checked, which was months ago

13. Height? A little shorter than JP, or almost up to Zach's chin

14. Clothing style? it covers my womanly bossom...

15. Are you skinny or fat? it matters?

16. Are you weak or muscular/athletic? ::sings:: my arms are full of jello, jello, jello!

17. Attractive? Stop asking me scary personal questions! STALKER! Favorites

Favorites

1. Book? too many

2. Movie? Hedwig and the Angry Inch

3. Song? hmmm....Name by Goo Goo Dolls for when I feel like being angsty. Only the Good Die Young by Billy Joel when I feel like being happy.

4. Food? WHERE?

5. Drink? Vodka! I mean... your mom!

6. TV show? my TV died. The funeral's next thursday.

7. Video/computer game? Black and White

8. Non-electronic game? Shots! I mean... your mom! I mean...too much time with a certain brother of mine today, can you tell?

9. Color? green

10. Genre of movies? meh

11. Genre of video/computer games? double meh

12. Genre of music? triple meh

13. Number? 11

14. Operating system? quadruple meh

15. Video gaming console? MEH MEH MEH MEH MEH stop asking!

16. Instant messanging service? AIM duuuuuuuuuh

17. School subject (choose out of the main ones: Math, History, Science, English)? none anymore. my teachers killed all those. Theater Arts rocks though

18. Least-favorite school subject? English. was my favorite before Koup killed it.

19. Animal? panther

Love and Sex

1. What is your sexual orientation? bi

2. Are you single or taken? taken

3. Have you ever had a boyfriend or girlfriend? well, if i'm taken doesn't that imply...?

4. Have you ever kissed romantically? NO! THAT'S RESERVED FOR MARRIAGE AND WOULD BE UNCATHOLIC!

5. Have you ever had sex?hmmmm.... hey, JP, have I ever had sex? (just checking)

6. Have you ever been in love? currently am

6a. Have you ever told the person you were in love with your feelings for them? often

6a1. How many times (as in, how many people, not how many times for one person)?ummm... can't tell you I ran out of fingers to count on

6b. How many times have you been in love? twice

6c. Have you ever been heartbroken as a result? yes

6c1. How many times? once

6c2. When were you first heartbroken, age-wise? not for the last 32 years

6d. When did you first fall in love, age-wise? not for the last 45 years. you do the math.

7. Have you ever had a crush? yes

7a. Do you have any right now? not a crush anymore

7b. How many do you have right now? none, since it's not a crush

7c. When was your first crush, age-wise? when I got my first stuffed animal. His name was Poodle John... ::dreamy sigh::

8. Do you prefer kisses or hugs? both together, with as little clothing as possible

9. Has anyone ever been in love with you (as far as you know)? yes

9a. How many times? uhm...

9b. Have you heartbroken anyone as a result (as far as you know)? no

9b1. How many times? umh...

10. Has anyone ever had a crush on you (as far as you know)? yes

Physical attraction - Attraction to females (do not fill out if not attracted to females. Also, these questions ask for preference, not requirement. If you like one even slightly more than the other, write that one down)

1. Which cup-size breasts do you prefer? I LIKE BREASTS!

2. Long hair or short hair? whatever looks good

3. Long nails or short nails? short. long ones are scary and scratch the inside of your vagina...

4. Make-up or no make-up? little, if any

5. Shorter, taller, or same height as you? as long as I don't get neck problems, it's all good.

6. Skinnier, fatter, or same fat amount as normal? whatever

7. Color hair? red heads!

8. Color eyes? green

9. Color skin? whatever

10. Accent? Indian and African accents are intriguing

11. Perfume? not requred Physical attraction - Attraction to males (do not fill out if not attracted to males. Also, these questions ask for preference, not requirement. If you like one even slightly more than the other, write that one down)

1. Less, more, or same amount of muscle as average? whatever

2. Long hair or short hair? depends.

3. Facial hair? kina scratchy... but fun to play with.

4. Body hair? bare chests are the best, in my opinion

5. Shorter, taller, or same height as you? please refer to question 5 in the previous section. do not pass go, do not collect $200

6. Skinnier, fatter, or same fat amount as normal? don't care

7. Color hair? probably dark, or at least dark-ish

8. Color eyes? hmmm...

9. Color skin? don't care

10. Accent? whatever exercises the tounge...

11. Cologne? not required

12. Do you like the smell of male sweat? do you like the smell of female sweat?

Religion and the Unknown

1. Do you believe in any gods? no

2. Do you disbelieve all gods? yes

3. What religious category are you under (this is YOU, not what other people tell you to be)? atheist. but people tell me that there's no such thing as an atheis. so i don't exist. or maybe YOU don't exist. ::sketchy music::

4. Has the universe always been in existence? no

5. Do you believe the big bang theory? yes

6. Do you believe that the universe goes through a cycle of big bangs and big crunches? yes.

7. Do you think that intelligent life exists outside our solar system? i've been abducted by them as a child!

8. Do you believe in afterlife or multiple lives? no. we only get one life, so leave no regrets.

8a. Do you believe in ghosts? no

9. Do you believe in evolution? yes

10. Do you believe in supernatural or mythical beings, such as leprechauns, poltergeists, angels, muses, etc.? they live under my bed.

11. Do you believe in telepathy (talking or listening with your mind rather than any physical thing)? yes

12. Do you believe in telekinesis (moving or manipulating things with your mind rather than any physical thing)? it's plausible

13. Do you believe in souls (that human bodies are more than purely physical)?it's also plausible, but i dont particularly believe in it

14. Do you believe in luck (events being governed beyond probability, e.g. black cats making people unlucky, etc.)? no. annointing things against bad luck is my mom's job.

Emotion and Personality

1. What are three of your most prevalent emotions lately? joy, love, anxiety

2. Do you cry much as a result of sadness or other emotions? not much. some

3. Do you yell much as a result of anger? i try not to, but sometimes it comes out

4. Are you violent? ::beats survey with stick:: of course i'm not violent! how dare you imply that?!

5. Are you introverted or extroverted? introverted

6. Are you mellow or short-tempered? mellow, man

7. Are you relaxed or high-strung? relaxed, mostly

8. Are you compassionate? if i feel like it

9. Are you greedy or generous? can't tell.

10. Are you energetic or lethargic? leth::yaaaaaawn::argic

11. Are you a leader, a follower, or an independent? can't tell

12. Are you a liberal, a conservative, or uncaring/independent? independent

13. Are you cheerful or depressed? both

14. Are you lazy or hard-working? i'll just procrastinate on anwering that

15. Do you crave attention? sometimes

16. Do you have problems with self-esteem? sometimes

17. Do you get bored easily? ::yawn::... hey, look, a kitty!

18. Are you curious (I don't mean 'unusual')? why do you ask?

19. Are you weird? The gerbils will get you! STAY AWAY FROM THE DRIER!

20. Do you think about things like morality and the existence of gods and the possibility of afterlife much? that's mostly bullshit, but i do philosophise quite a bit

21. Do you have a strong sense of ? i like to think so

22. Do you have an unusual sense of humor? does violence count?

23. Do you act differently online (as opposed to in person)? wouldn't you like to know

Miscellaneous

1. Three hobbies? drawing, reading, procrastinating

2. Number and names of pets? 1 (Coffee)

3. Play any instruments? urg

3a. Which one(s)? urg

3b. How well? urg

3c. Since when? urg

3d. Most recent piece you learned or are learning? urg

4. What do you think of this survey? urg

5. Would you vote for President George W. Bush to have a second term in office? ANGRY urg

instilling calm

2004-03-01T04:31:07Z

breathe in
breathe out
breathe in
breathe out
everything's ok. safe for the night, getting some sleep. he'll wake up tomorrow and have breakfeast with zach. The cups are in the cupboard next to the microwave. the plates used to be there, but then the kitchen got remodeled. they are now in the cupboard next to the sink. the cereal is under the counter. there are bagles in the freezer. cream cheeze in the fridge. see, ive done this many times before. it's my home, it might as well be his. at least for tonight. everything's going to be fine. in the soft darkness of the basement rug, in the clean whiteness of the kitchen, in the warmth of the living room couch, it's all gonna be fine tonight.

oh, but zach was right. he owes us an "i told you so". something was gonna happen. something had to happen now, when it was so fairy tale. something had to shift, to move, to swing, to fall over on top of something else and tip it off balance. wait, that was just my desk this morning when i was looking for my headphones. whatever. the eye of the storm lasts only so long - but you have to concider- something's got to keep life from getting boring.

"Now it is a strange thing, but things that are good to have and days that are good to spend are soon told about and not much to listen to; while things that are uncomfortable, palpitating, and even gruesome might make a good tale and take a deal of telling anyway." -The Hobbit

so it's all for the best. all always for the best. there are anime dvds on top of the TV in the basement. the sofa is red. it folds out. it's all for the best.

it's fine. there might be no way - no need really - to turn the situation around, but there are ways to save and manipulate it. in the parents' eyes, i remain straight. if need arises, i'll pretend to be religious. i've concidered it before. like acting in a play constantly for a year and a half. no problem.

but i hope it won't come to that.

breathe...

life is good. life is very very good. i feared something would happen. i knew, in fact, that something would. or maybe it's just now that it happened that i think i knew. whatever. but i feared that it would be something worse. this is infinitely better than one of us getting randomly hit by a piano that fell out of the sky. no, i lie, it isn't infinitely better. but it's better than death somehow. and defenetily better than death by piano. somehow getting squished flat by a large musical instrument doesn't appeal...

breathe. there is a wooden shelf under the mirror in the downstairs bathroom. i kept my contacts there.

it will be fine, everythings gonna be fine, and grandchildren will be told of this in many many years. "...and that's what it was like when the catholic church still existed." "wow gramma! you ARE old!"

and now that i've finished venting, i'll go take a shower. and then maybe do some hw. and then go to bed. clear and level headed and nothing can touch me because i'm the voice of reason that doesn't falter or fear or dread and ignores the little demons doing a dance in my stomach. everything is fine. fine fine fine. juuuuust fine. it's so fine, i've got fine coming out of my nose. overflowing with fine. see? everythings perfectly fine. and if you're about to tell me to take that fine and stick it up my ass, i'm one step ahead of you.

night.

Because I was bored out of my mind again.

2004-02-21T19:22:23Z

:x: name = Nina
:x: height = up to Zach's nose
:x: shoe size = 8 or 8 1/2. changes with shoe

LAST...
:x: movie you rented = Wallstreet
:x: movie you bought = Good question
:x: song you listened to = Travenlin' Prayer
:x: song that was stuck in your head = Like a Rock
:x: cd you bought = Marilyn Manson, "Mechanical Animals" (for Dasha)
:x: tv show you've watched = uuuuh... possibly the Simpsons, can't remember
:x: person you were thinking of = JP (duh)

DO...
:x: you wish you could live somewhere else = in my own house maybe
:x: others find you attractive = don't care. I have the one person i need.
:x: you want more piercings = and a tatoo. eventually
:x: you like cleaning = less than i like needles.
:x: you like roller coasters = yep.
:x: you write in cursive or print = Print, except when I get so bored in chemistry that i need to make my notes look cryptic so that i don't fall asleep looking at them.

FOR OR AGAINST...
:x: long distance relationships = For
:x: using someone = Against
:x: suicide = I think it's selfish to want someone to live they're gonna suffer. But I certainly don't see it as an acceptable way out in most cases. So both.
:x: killing people = Against, unless they're concervative and Catholic, or just Bush
:x: teenage smoking = Against
:x: driving drunk = Against
:x: queer relationships = Certainly for
:x: soap operas = Are for desperately lonely people who sleep on a separate bed from their right hand.

HAVE YOU...
:x: ever cried over a girl/boy= yes
:x: ever lied to someone = yes...or am i lying? ::mystic stare::
:x: ever been in a fist fight = in first grade
:x: ever been arrested = no

WHAT...
:x: shampoo do you use = Herbal Essence (Yes! YES! THATS THE ONE!)
:x: shoes do you wear = Boots that leak or black comfy shoes.

NUMBER...
:x: of times I have been in love? = I guess twice.
:x: of girls I have kissed? = i agree with zach: kissed kissed or just kissed?
:x: of boys I have kissed? = again, kissed kissed or just kissed?
:x: of times my name has appeared in the newspaper? = some
:x: of scars on my body? = i'm sure i have some somewhere
:x: of things in my past that I regret? = very very few.

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE...
:x: pretty= don't care
:x: funny= maybe
:x: hot= don't care
:x: loveable= sure
:x: sweet= only if you give me chocolate
:x: dorky= and proud of it.

FAVORITE:
:x: 5 letter word: i dunno, what's your favorite 6 1/2 word sentence? AND IT HAS TO BE EXACT.
:x: actor/actress: Old Russian Actress that is dead and gone and whose name i don't remember
:x: Cartoon: Something Positive
:x: Cereal: None.
:x: Chewing gum: Juicy Fruit.
:x: Color(s): green
:x: Jello flavor: All jellos are created equal.
:x: Trampolines or swimming pools: Trampolines.

|| PERSON WHO LAST.. ||
:x: Saw you cry: Hmmmm....
:x: Made you cry: My two stooges. Love 'em to death, but jesus fucking christ, can they be difficult!
:x: You went to the movies with: Dasha, i think
:x: Yelled at you: Mother
:x: Sent you an email: JP

|| Have you ever.. ||
:x: Said "I love you" and meant it?: yes
:x: Gone out in public in your pajamas: yes
:x: Kept a secret from everyone: can't tell you.
:x: Cried during a movie: yes
:x: Ever at anytime owned new kids on the block stuff: not to my knowlege
:x: Planned your week based on the TV Guide: hell no. my TV doesn't even work
:x: Been to California:no
:x: Hawaii: no
:x: China: no
:x: Canada: no
:x: Europe: I was born there.
:x: Asia: no
:x: South America: no

OTHER...
:x: What time is it now? 1:56 PM
:x: Apples or bananas?: yum
:x: Blue or red?: blue
:x: Walmart or target?: Filene's
:x: Spring or Fall?: spring

:x: What are you gonna do after you finish this?: stare blankly at my computer. then maybe i'll have breakfeast.
:x: What was the last meal you ate?: does junk food count?
:x: High school or college?: wherever.
:x: Are you bored?: why do you think i'm doing this? because i think that someone would READ it?

:x: Last noise you heard?: my mom
:x: Last smell you sniffed?: shampoo
>:x: Last time you went out of state/province?: don't remember

|| FRIENDSHIP/LOVE ||
:x: Do you believe in love at first sight?: depends on what you're looking at.
:x: Do you want children one day &if so, how many?: two
:x: Most important thing to you in a friendship is: connection.

|| Other Info ||
:x: Criminal record?: i was innocent, i swear! (hides bloody chainsaw)
:x: Do you speak any other languages?: french, russian, learning latin and greek, creating my own.
:x: Last book you read: Xenocide, finished this morning.
:x: Name some of your favorite things in your bedroom?: my room. i love my room.
:x: Thing you dislike about yourself the most: insecurity.
:x: Worst feeling in the world: separation or dread.
:x:Who you love: JP
:x: Who you miss: JP

|| You ||
:x: Initials: NUT
:x: How old do you look?: Depends on who you ask and how well my anti acne stuffs are working.
:x: How old do you act?: depends on mood and who i'm with.
:x: Glasses/Contacts: contacts
:x: Braces?: nope
:x: Do you have any pets?: cat named coffe can you tell who named her?
:x: You get embarrassed: when doctors ask me personal questions.
:x: What makes you happy?: rain
:x: What upsets you?: misunderstandings and stupidity.

|| Finish the sentence: ||
:x: I Love to...daydream
:x: I Wish... My mom would stop talking
:x: I Hope... JP gets online

:x: I'm Annoyed by... close minded people and religious people
:x: I Want to Be... myself.
:x: I Would Never... hurt someone i love on purpose.

|| Have you ever.. ||
:x: Thought you were going to die: yes
:x: Wanted to Run away: yes
:x: Flunked a grade: no
:x: Skipped a grade: yes, in Russia, there was no fourth grade, so everyone skipped a grade.

yes. that's how bored i am. hurray. ::eats more sweedish fish::

Piano Man

2004-02-19T08:44:32Z

"It's nine o'clock on a Saturday
The regular crowd shuffles in
There's an old man sitting next to me
Making love to his tonic and gin

He says, "Son can you play me a memory
I'm not really sure how it goes
But it's sad and it's sweet
And I knew it complete
When I wore a younger man's clothes"

Sing us a song you're the piano man
Sing us a song tonight
Well we're all in the mood for a melody
And you've got us feeling alright

Now John at the bar is a friend of mine
He gets me my drinks for free
And he's quick with a joke or to light up your smoke
But there's someplace that he'd rather be

He says, "Bill, I believe this is killing me"
As a smile ran away from his face
"Well, I'm sure that I could be a movie star
If I could get out of this place"

Now Paul is a real estate novelist
Who never had time for a wife
And he's talking with Davy, who's still in the Navy
And probably will be for life

And the waitress is practicing politics
As the businessmen slowly get stoned
Yes they're sharing a drink they call loneliness
But it's better than drinking alone

Sing us a song you're the piano man
Sing us a song tonight
Well we're all in the mood for a melody
And you've got us feeling alright

It's a pretty good crowd for a Saturday
And the manager gives me a smile
'Cause he knows that it's me they've been coming to see
To forget about life for a while

And the piano sounds like a carnival
And the microphone smells like a beer
And they sit at the bar and put bread in my jar
And say "Man what are you doing here?"

Sing us a song you're the piano man
Sing us a song tonight
Well we're all in the mood for a melody
And you've got us feeling alright "

forestdragon11 @ 2004-02-19T02:43:00

2004-02-19T07:58:36Z

1) First grade teacher's name: Don't remember, but she looked like a toad

2) Last word you said: sigh

3) Last song you sang: "only the good die young"

4) Last person you hugged: JP

5) Last thing you laughed at: Sick webcomics
6) Last time you said 'I love you': Today, after leaving JP's house, many times into the dark

7) Last time you cried: Several nights ago, after a nice long conversation with my favorite two stooges.
8) What's in your CD player: Billy Joel

9) What color socks are you wearing: white

10) What's under your bed: horrible monsters that will eat you if you try to find them
12) Current taste: cream saver

13) Current hair: as opposed to my hair yesterday? you mean it was supposed to change?

14) Current clothes: black shirt, jeans, bathrobe

15) Current annoyance: brother

16) Current longing: To pack self in suitcase ang go with JP

17) Current desktop picture: a fairy

18) Current worry: that there will be hell to pay for everything good in my life

19) Current hate: situation w/brother

20) Story behind your LJ username: better left to the imagination

21) Current favorite article of clothing: red silk blouse

22) Favorite physical feature of the opposite sex: i'm supposed to have favorites?

23) Last CD that you bought: Marilyn Manson: Mechanical Animals (for Dasha)

24) Favorite place to be: my house, no mother

25) Least favorite place: my house, with mother

26) Time you wake up in the morning: crawl out of bed: 6 45 ish. wake up: 8 PM or so

27) If you could play an instrument, what would it be: Guitar

29) Do you believe in an afterlife: Nope

31) Current favorite word/saying: gah or ::shrug::

32) Favorite book: too many

33) Favorite season: Summer

34) One person from your past you wish you could go back and talk to: father

35) Favorite day: Monday

36) Where do you want to go: London

37) What is your career going to be like: Creative

38) How many kids do you want: 2 if any

39) What kind of car will you have: car?

40) Type a line you remember from any book: "I'm so crazy, I admit to voting for Eisenhower!"
"Well, I'm so crazy I voted for Eisenhower twice!"
"I'm so crazy I'm planning on voting for him again this NOVEMBER!"
"Ok, you win"

41) A random lyric: "And the waitress is practicing politics
As the business man slowly gets stoned
Yes, they're sharing a drink we call loneliness
But it's better than drinking alone."

and:

"Your sister's gone out, she's on a date
And you just sit at home and masturbate
Your phone is gonna ring soon,
But you just can't wait, for that call
So you stand on the corner in your new english clothes
And you look so polished from your hair down to your toes
But still your finger's gonna pick your nose, after all"

Both by Billy Joel

I LIVE

2004-02-12T01:26:54Z

So my comp is alive again (much thanks JP) and all is happiness except that i no longer have microsoft word, but we're getting it soon anyway. good thing to have. was sick today, but finished a good book, so all is well.

and for all who care to know: dasha has tried to set her hand on fire. but she failed.

WOOOOO

2004-02-08T01:34:59Z

we picket fenced in duo...

we picket fenced in duo...

that means that we're top of the charts for CFLs in Massachusetts...

that means we ROCK!

WE ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i miss my sexy american. yes, you in the hat. your family needs to start picking up the phone more often, or i just gotta start leaving messages. ::growls:: a day without talking To you substituted for by talking About you. not quite as good, but it just had to do.

best line of the tournament, from a piece where a guy tells his best friend/girlfriend he is gay; she says:
"I always wondered why on Saturday nights all i wanted to do was sit around with you and eat a whole bag of cookie dough and paint your nails. Now I know."

all is joy and happy goodness and immorality. all the demons that i'm possessed by are dancing with glee. except one, which is waiting impatiently for monday. but otherwise, joy!

::goes to listen to immoral and rebellious rock and roll songs::

growls and is frustrated

2004-02-02T22:46:43Z

::growl::

mom came home early, cat is sick, has an abcess, which means i have to stay home tomorrow to look after her. the cat, i mean.

grrrrrrr

stupid cat.

so looks like my half day's gonna be spent turning off the phone and sleeping. oh well, not too bad. at least she won't bother me tomorrow until she gets home.

currently she is praying. pray, mother, pray. it will make the cat's abcess go away, and will make god drop a washing machine on our house, and will get rid of my homosexuality demon. oh wait, i'm your perfect litle girl, so the homosexuality demon doesn't exist here. the only way i'd ever get it anyway is throug playing D&D, which i obviously haven't ever done.

oh well. i'ts all good. life is good, really, once you get over the frustrations of today and look forward to what tomorrow brings...

and remember: if you've got too much pent up frustration, don't ever turn to something as radical as homosexuality to aleviate it. keep it straight: masturbate!

--a message from your friendly neighborhood atheist

Joyfullness

2004-01-31T03:22:58Z

LostSoulReaper3: ERECTILE DISORDER!
LostSoulReaper3: viagra!
sgfreud: my automatic interpretation of "erectile disorder" was always "retarded penis"

LostSoulReaper3: it will all depend on who comes in next wearing the better costim
ostSoulReaper3: JP has a really nice french maid outfit
LostSoulReaper3: but dave has the ballarina outfit

Random angst

2004-01-30T01:18:33Z

So this is for you, you know who you are. And if you don't know, then you will know by the end of this. So be in suspense for a moment.

I don't think you understand how much you can hurt. do you think that if you simply go on giving hints of your unhappiness then denying it, then sit around in quet "reflection" looking depressed, the person who's listening to you will simply shrug it all away and keep going? No. If you look deep inside, that is not your intent, either.

I know you're in pain. I've known all along, haven't i. and whenever someone decided to disaprove or disbelieve in your pain, i stood up for you and did all i could to convince them, without giving anything away, that you were real, and strong, and worthy of their respect. I loved you, and i don't think you understand that. neither do you understand the fact that she loves you now. I'm not saying that you need to return that love physically, i'm not saying that you should try to satisfy someone's needs if they do not match your own... but for gods sake, realize at least that all anyone wants is to make you happy. and no one realizes that to be happy, you do just need to take your own initiative. maybe you should be left to your own devices for a while...and maybe you should be listened to, with all the patience and understanding that a person can give. i tried the latter. maybe i didn't try for long enough. i don't know.

But do you have any idea of what it is to be cast aside simply for being happy? do you have any idea how much attachment i still felt, yes FELT, when you decided that it was over. "different paths" my ass. obviously, im in a bubble that you don't understand, i'm in "lala land with boy toy" so i can be safetly thrown aside just like that. alright. yes, of course, you're the authority figure here. you can control whatever the hell you like.

so by now this is sounding like one giant guilt trip. and maybe it is. i don't want it to be. but hell, i'm not going to sit here and be hurt. not anymore. I had enough of that, enough of trying to help you work through your misery while having any problems of my own conveniently overshadowed by yours.

i don't want compensation of my pain. i don't even want recognition of it. honestly, i don't give a fuck. i've already been left on the shelf. so this is just closure. no, what i want is that you recognize HER pain. she is in my place now, and i know how she feels. she will give everything to you and all you have to return is your attention, your friendship. all she wants is for you to be happy. not to PRETEND to be happy. she can detect that easily. so don't even try, it is futile.

I know that with this i'm increasing your misery. and i would never have done this, but now i feel like i have to. because i'm no longer in the position to love you. i did. i honest to god did.

so goodnight to you too. and you can tell her how you're not going to sleep tonight, or how you're going to OD on advil or anything you like to scare her out of her mind. as for myself, i've had enough. i'm still your friend, of course, and your relative, but ive honestly had enough of your shit. obviously, you couldn't care less, so why should i.

goodnight to you.

Can you detect the mood swings?

2004-01-25T23:59:27Z

You, my friend are a true individual. You most
likely hate trends and are creative. By seeing
things differently, people either admire you or
think you are a bit strange. I'm guessing you
are a lot like me. Perhaps a Good Charlotte
hater? I hope so. An inspiration to us all,
continue being you! (If you like GC, I'm sorry,
I am just expressing an opinion)

A Deeper Look Inside Yourself (with pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

Ghost or spirit: You are a lost soul. Very calm and
sweet, you are often the one who asks: What if?
With a clever mind, you want to explore the
world on a different level. Without the
answers, you aren't ready to move on. You are
most likely very creative and find yourself
thinking things through on a different level.
(please rate my quiz)

**Where will you go when you die?**(now with pics)
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Morpheus

?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
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You are the protector. The leader of the pack, and
would sacrifice short of nothing to protect
those around you...and even perhaps, sacrifice
for those you like not at all. You're kind is
scarce, and though you may be noble, there is
also a vain part to you too. Try to overcome
that, for only then willl acheive full peice,
prosperity, and respect.

What Kind of Person Are You?
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Your soul is bound to the Solitary Rose: The
Alone.

"When I wake up alone, the shades are still
drawn on the cold window pane so they cast
their lines on my bed and lines on my
face."

The Solitary Rose is associated with loneliness,
melancholy, and patience. It is governed by
the goddess Merope and its sign is The Sword,
or Unrequited Love.

As a Solitary Rose, you may be summed up as a
hopeless romantic. You desire love and have so
much love to give, but thing just never seem to
work out the way you want them to. In life,
you can be very optomistic, even when things
are gray and nothing works out to your
expectations.

What Rose Is Your Soul Bound To?
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You are guided by darkness. Chances are you are
depressed, or you just always see things in a
negative point of view. You sit back and take
everything in. You are the gentle giant. But
one day you will snap. (Rate my test)

What force is your soul?
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Take the What High School
Stereotype Are You? quiz.

You feel happy, and loved. Nothing could be any
better for you....you may even have a love one
in your life....go you. (Pleas Vote)

What Emotion Dominates you?
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Dark magician. You love the dark because of it's
beauty and just the life that no-one else sees.
Mysterious, calm, quiet... But that doesn't
mean you're not friendly!

Please rate ^^

What kind of dark person are you?
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Ok, so that's enough for now. I was bored. Deal.